Author Topic: Some funny stuff for the day  (Read 176068 times)

Offline Pingu

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #15 on: September 07, 2011, 12:10 »
Black guy... Zulu

Dancing.. Tango

Ford... Sierra

I know.. isn't as funny when you explain it like that.



perhaps he's too young to remember the Sierra...? ;D
xxx

Offline jimi

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #16 on: September 07, 2011, 22:14 »
Ha ha!

But we don't use that letter system over here so perhaps it's less for locals. Anyone used to watch the Bill? Da, dee, da, dee, dee, da, daa, daa, daa-a, da :)

Offline DizzyD

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Wizard : is this how you open durian>?
« Reply #17 on: September 08, 2011, 11:29 »

 ;D ;D ;D
Main Rig: Mit HC7900DW II Cyrus 92" II Onkyo NR818 II Oppo 103D II JL E112 II Sony PS3 II Wyred4Sound DAC2 DSD II Wyred4Sound MC3 II MacMini II Dynaudio Focus 220MkII 200C II Antimode 8033 II NHT Monitor II

Online landis1

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #18 on: September 08, 2011, 11:32 »
i have never seen it like this before ;D ;D

Offline Pingu

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #19 on: September 08, 2011, 11:47 »
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend to spella Mississippi."

xxx

Offline DIYer Straits

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #20 on: September 10, 2011, 00:56 »
More from FB wall postings:

Father & son went hunting together for the 1st time. The father said "Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field".
A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream & ran back to his son asking what's wrong?
"I told you to be quiet" he said.
The son said, "Look I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet & quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the 2 chipmunks crawled up my pant legs & said 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I panicked!"


My Mom taught me:
Religion ............... "You better pray that comes out of the carpet"
Logic ...................."Because I said so, that's why"
Irony....................."Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about"
Wisdom................ "When you get to my age you'll understand"
Justice .................."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!!"


An Alabama State Highway Patrolman made a traffic stop on an elderly lady just east of Montgomery. He asked for her driver's liscense, proof of insurance and registration. In the paper work he found a conceal carry permit.
He asked if she had a weapon.
She said,"I have a .45 in the glove box."
He asked,"Any other weapons?"
"Yes, a 9mm Glock in the console and a .38 Special in my purse."
The Trooper asked, "Lady, what are you afraid of?"
She said,"Not a damn thing."
Audere' Est Facere'    COME ON YOU SPURS.......
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Offline wizardofoz

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Re: Wizard : is this how you open durian>?
« Reply #21 on: September 10, 2011, 01:15 »

 ;D ;D ;D

wow... looks like a CT scan .... awesome
« Last Edit: September 14, 2011, 12:45 by wizardofoz »
I have a pile of stuff that pushes out squiggly waveforms from smaller squiggly waveforms that sometimes come from 1's and 0's.
It's wonderful to behold as long as you don't let the magic smoke out.

Life is short! Enjoy the music while it plays, when it stops, there might be a chair for you...or  maybe not.

Offline Doggie Howser

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2011, 14:39 »
More pilfering from another forum :P



Year to date statistics on airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security:






Terrorist Plots Discovered 0

Transvestites 133

Hernias 1,485

Hemorrhoid Cases 3,112
Enlarged Prostates 8,249

Breast Implants 59,350

Natural Blondes 3
End of Line - Derezzed

Offline dsj88

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #23 on: September 14, 2011, 12:20 »
A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport.

 A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.

He decides, because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an

off-duty flight attendant, so he decides to have a go at picking her

up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby hopefully impressing her greatly

He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto:

'We love to fly and it shows'.

The woman looks at him blankly.

He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto:

 'Winning the hearts of the world'.

 Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

 Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto:

 'Going beyond expectations'.

 The woman looks at him sternly and says:

 'What the f**k do you want?'

 'Ah!'  he says, sitting back with a smile on his face .....

 "Qantas".


Offline DIYer Straits

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2011, 09:52 »
From FB Wall posts:

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with him and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and he said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
He taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so he can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith...
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
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Offline DIYer Straits

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #25 on: September 26, 2011, 00:19 »
From FB Wall posts:

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. " How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
... "OK," she said.
"Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know sh1t?"
« Last Edit: September 29, 2011, 10:03 by DIYer Straits »
Audere' Est Facere'    COME ON YOU SPURS.......
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Offline silencer13

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #26 on: September 26, 2011, 00:28 »
hehe, I think that's the censored version. It shouldn't be nuts... it should be sh!t.   ;D ;D ;D

Offline DIYer Straits

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #27 on: September 29, 2011, 10:03 »
hehe, I think that's the censored version. It shouldn't be nuts... it should be sh!t.   ;D ;D ;D
Duly amended. ;D
Audere' Est Facere'    COME ON YOU SPURS.......
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Technics SL1200Mk2 (Modded) : Magnepan Unitrac : AT 33PTG/AT ART7
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Offline DIYer Straits

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #28 on: September 29, 2011, 10:04 »
More stuff from FB wall posts:

A guy and a girl meet at a bar.

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place..

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.

The girl has been watching him and says:

"You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says: "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"

"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.

After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, says: "Sure - I'm a good dentist.. How did you figure that out?"

The girl replies:.....

"Didn't feel a thing."

---------------------------------------------------------

Obama wakes up one night, there is George Washington's ghost! He says, " George how can I help this country?"
Washington replies, "Be honest with the people like I was!"

Obama goes back to sleep and awakes again. This time it's Thomas Jefferson's ghost! He says "Tom how can I help this country?"
Jefferson says, "Love the constitution like I did!"

Waking up again there is Abe Lincoln's ghost, he says "Abe how can I help this country?"
Abe replies, "Go see a play."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Two Statues
Two statues are in a perk for over thirty years and all day long they just look at each others naked bodies. One day an angel comes down and grants them life for 30 minutes.
The two statues look at each other and the woman statue says "Should we?" to which the man replies "Yes".
They then both run off in to the bushes where there is a lot of giggling going on. The angel gives a smile as she knows what they are up to. After fifteen minutes the statues return with a cheeky smile on their faces.
The angel says to them "You still have fifteen minutes left"
So the man says to the woman "Want to do it again?" and the woman replies "Yes, But this time you hold the birds head while i crap on it."
« Last Edit: September 29, 2011, 10:08 by DIYer Straits »
Audere' Est Facere'    COME ON YOU SPURS.......
Laptop via XMOS
Khadas Tone DAC
Technics SL1200Mk2 (Modded) : Magnepan Unitrac : AT 33PTG/AT ART7
Ortofon T30 MC step-up, Custom MM WAD Phono3S Tube Phonostage/DACT CT100 (modded)
Custom 6N5P/6N6p Aikido Preamplifier
Modded TPA3118 Class D amplifier/Modded TPA 3255 power amplifier/Anaview AMS1000 power amplifier/KT88 SE
FAST with a 6.5" Satori mid and a 12" Pro woofer/Some Satori in birch ply cabinets with a PR/KEF R300
To be updated

Offline homersimpson

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Re: Some funny stuff for the day
« Reply #29 on: September 29, 2011, 12:36 »
Or this one as well

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as real
Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he
has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

"What's that for?" the lady questions.

"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo,
and Reebok pays me."

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo
that says NIKE.

'What's that ?' the lady questions again.

"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on
TV."

Then the man drops his underwear and on his thingy he has a tattoo that
says AIDS.

The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"

The man replies: "No, no...!!! Calm down...!!!
It will say ADIDAS in a minute."