XtremePlace Forum

Our Galaxy => Planet General => Topic started by: landis1 on May 28, 2013, 08:57

Title: funny one-liners
Post by: landis1 on May 28, 2013, 08:57
everybody let's contribute ;D

Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: wizardofoz on May 28, 2013, 09:28
Ok I cant resist this one....


I find even capital letters affect the sound.




Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: n3wk1d on May 28, 2013, 09:40
I sold lots of thing and also buying many of them, once a seller told me this.

All my items are for sale but they are not "On Sale". LOL
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: Quest on May 28, 2013, 09:45
Ok I cant resist this one....


I find even capital letters affect the sound.
Glad I made your day wiz. :)
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: pitch bender on May 28, 2013, 15:06

"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day"  ???
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: MatJenin on May 28, 2013, 15:59
Here's one...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: deadline on June 03, 2013, 12:47
sold my tooth for a tooth pick
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: jimi on June 03, 2013, 23:11
News flash: "The irish inventors behind their infamous inflatable dart board have met with dissipated sales"....

"however they are hoping to come back on their newest product: the solar-powered torch"
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: landis1 on June 04, 2013, 17:08
these are not exactly one-liners but they are nevertheless funny ;D


Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

Sign in a shop corner introducing new products:
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Sign in a Hospital ward:
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother!
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: kelso on June 04, 2013, 19:19
Sign in a morgue:
We see dead people
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: whyeme on June 04, 2013, 19:28
From Cajun Pawn Stars:

The reason why they invented action figures is because dudes don't wanna be caught playing with dolls.
Title: Re: funny one-liners
Post by: landis1 on January 25, 2019, 16:08
;D

I am currently doing some serious writing ... mostly suicide notes

I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Is "tired old cliche" one?

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Change is inevitable … except from vending machines.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.